It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
