the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
