I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
