Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
