What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I party with great urgency now.
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