That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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