What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
