i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize