yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
