The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
