I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
