I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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