I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
