is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
