Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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