a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize