This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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