Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
