I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
