My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's Friday. Sex?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
