you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
