I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
