oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
