$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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