when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
