Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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