I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
