Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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