this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
