I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
