the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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