Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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