Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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