So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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