Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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