her vagine was all disorganized.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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