My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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