You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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