took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
