i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
