i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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