so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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