Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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