Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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