Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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