Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
