Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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