I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
