i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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