I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
