i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I didn't notice because vodka
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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