I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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