If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need moral support for this bender
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He has the fingertips of a God
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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