Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
