So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
