He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
