but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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