So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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