I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
