I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
