My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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