...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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