Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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