big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
