We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I die, sorry about rent.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
