i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
