Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
