Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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